Earlier this week I discovered TFLN. MISTAKE. Hours and hours of precious time sucked into the vortex of witty rejoinders RE college-level sexcapades/antics.
And as much as I love reading about this stuff, I’m so, SO glad I’ve never actually lived it. Sex, drugs, and passing out in the ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend’s poolhouse with a bottle of Jack in my hand and 6 hours I can’t remember over the sound of my hangover: not my lifestyle, not my life. Ever. Even the times I did spend intoxicated and technically did enjoy [rehashing with friends] served as successful reminders as to who/what/where should not happen again.
Speaking of rehashing with friends, every time I am approached by someone new or the prospect of creating a new relationship, I instantly crave the companionship of my old friends and am just ready to “shady dip” on the fresh one. Jay wants to have dinner next week, and Bri wants to hunker down during the daytime for tea. I don’t know how to tell either of them that I like them much better as potentials than as actuals. Fictional characters over guys I can touch and hug and punch. Well, I do know HOW, I just don’t know if that’s the best long-term action I can come up with. It’s not rocket science; familiarity feels safer, even if I decided that what I had wasn’t what I really needed.
I think about Andy here and there still – mostly images of him sitting here on the couch, over there by the window. Recounting his inability to listen to words in a song, sitting forward with his long legs open and face set with humorous determination. The two-year anniversary of his death is rapidly approaching. I can barely believe a year has passed, let alone two.
Anyone who has had the benefit/misfortune of constant e-contact with me has seen this video. The first time I saw it last week it made my day, and every day since has been a highlight. It’s the little things!
